HELLO!

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Instead, love your enemies, do good, expecting nothing in return. Luke 6:32-35

Before Bethe left for some vacation time we shared a thoughtful conversation about ministry. As you all know, Bethe has tremendous people skills, skills related to healing and leadership training and community development, and a deep faith. When she talks about ministry, she reveals her calling, naming experiences and relationships where she left lasting legacies of new life. Bethe is a joy to partner with.

While many I meet tell me they want to live in the present but find themselves drawn back to the past, I too want to live in the present, but it is the future where I am drawn. When I ponder the past there are two reasons that take me there, 1) some meaningful moments when I felt blest to be alive, where connections ran deep and 2) when I am sharing with others the lessons I have learned, usually borne of failure, my own. Speaking only for myself, by naming and confessing my part of these failures it helps remove the lasting sting of resentment. I fully recognize many have been the target of unfairness and hurt, and therefore naming one’s own part would not be relevant to them. But for me, this process has been enormously beneficial to my mental health and state of mind.

Bethe knows, and I have shared before in sermons and in this blog, my own experience of depression in 2002, the result of an error in judgement by me. In hindsight, when I explain it, the reaction feels strong. But how people process another’s judgement is their business, not mine. I apologized, publicly. The problem was, some felt it important to remind me of my error, every day, and to threaten me with a similar outcome should I make another error. The next six months are a blur, my depression has erased all memories from that period, which sadly included our child’s first steps. I did not take any time off. My doctor gave me medication but told me I would not need it, “keep the prescription in your pocket, it will give you peace of mind, one day you will know it is time to rip it up”. I did. I also had some counselling.

I told Bethe the next two years of my ministry, in that place, were my best work. She wanted to know why. I had no answer then. But I do now. Up until then, at 39 years of age, I always wanted to be liked. How I viewed relationships had a lot to do with whether the other liked me. Once I was in a place, where I had no friends, no supporters, no one liked me, I had to sort out why I served, why I loved, why I cared. What emerged in me was someone who looked at others with no interest in whether someone affirmed me or not. Kim and Lucian will tell you, Bethe will confirm, my experience of others has absolutely nothing to do with how they feel about me. I think those last two years of ministry, in that place, were pure service and the outcomes revealed this. It changed me.

I love meeting people, and no matter how familiar they are, there is always something new they can share with me. I listen for that. I have left reciprocity behind. The only times I hesitate to give, is when I feel the giving is part of the problem, not for me, but for the other. I am not an enabler or a rescuer. But when the Spirit tells me I have something to offer, and that something is asked for, and I have that gift, I will.

Peace, Kevin