HELLO!

At our Men’s Lunch today we were discussing, as a group (over tomato soup) what/who we are grateful for. I like how Ralph opens up the room for the men to share a specific story about our topic, how we listen to one another, how we learned from each other. It is an excellent process.

At my table I was speaking to an active Anglican layperson in our area, no surprise, he is a Friend of Ralph (FOR). I happened to mention a name, someone I met 18 years ago when I began my work as a navigator at a Dartmouth North church. Tom Clarke is a member of St. Andrew’s Anglican Church on Lock’s Road, and he volunteered at the foodbank located at Stairs United Church. On the first Wednesday of August 2008 a client was in the line-up, he was so angry that he was disruptive to the line up outside the building, his anger scared the volunteers, he snapped at people, some minor tantrums were shared. One volunteer suggested he be asked to leave. Tom went to the man, asked him if he wanted to sit in a nearby parlour, and talk. It turned out the man had lost the right to visit his young son. Tom took no position, he did not advocate for the man, given the limited information he was aware of. The client did not ask for an advocate, he only wanted to be heard. Tom offered no agreement or questions or criticism, just affirmed “this feels very heavy for you”. I know this because the client shared with me how Tom’s listening ear made all the difference. I need to say, a listening ear does not always render this good result. Sometimes the anger, shared, only deepens, and there is a need, if it spills out in ways that threaten people, for clients to be served one on one, apart from the group. I have seen this. BUT, as a first step, this offer, to sit and listen, is never a bad move.

I learned a lot from Tom. The clients at that foodbank would tell me they missed him when he was not able to be there, due to health challenges. He truly listened to people, he remembered their names, their stories, “How is your daughter doing these days?”, he would ask. Tom is one of the highlights of my 18 years, one of those people who made an impact on my life. Again, this is not to say there will be times, in all social spaces, in church, at political gatherings, at a foodbank, at social club, when someone’s behaviour, their anger, becomes problematic. But that very first step, to listen, may take a potential traumatic event, for the person, for the community and turn it into a healing time.

I am thankful for Tom. Peace, Kevin