HELLO!

“Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated false prophets. I say to you: Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you”. Luke 6:26-28

Recently, I have been spending time with persons whom I have known for decades. These conversations span many periods of my life and specifically reference persons those sitting around the table know by name. I have not noticed this before, but as soon as a name is mentioned those involved in the conversation will immediately leap to a pro or con assessment of the person. It would not take a rocket scientist to know if the room likes or dislikes this name. The reason I have become aware of this impulsive response is how my reactions are received. When I hear the name, my instinct is to tell a story, a story I find interesting, perhaps amusing, or revealing of some deeper truth. I love stories. And the mention of a person’s name will take me immediately to one or more stories. Of course, I like some people, dislike others. It’s human nature to appreciate some people more than others. I am no martyr, I will not spend a lot of time with people who find my company problematic, people who will take shots at me (I rather like being teased, criticized, but it is obvious to me when the tone is less affectionate and more mean-spirited). But liking to spend time with someone, or not, has nothing to do with how I emotionally react when a name is mentioned. I get it, if someone has caused you trauma, you cannot help but react to that name. But these instant reactions are not driven by trauma for the most part, they emerge because many filter their feelings about someone by whether they like them or not. Try, some day, to offer a compliment about someone the room does not care for. See how many in the room will affirm this obvious gift of the one none of you like. Or, say something less than positive about someone whom everyone in the room adores. Even if all of you know it’s true, you are in for a world of hurt…

What these reactions do is make those whom we don’t care into cartoon villains, and their humanity becomes lost in our knee-jerk words of like and dislike. Further, those who we like are never offered any critical feedback, as friends we fail them because our flattery only hides the need for growth from discernment. I rarely accept compliments for this very reason (also bcs the compliment often has more to do with me doing what the other wants, than any gift I have offered). I also find it necessary to be affirming of those I don’t like, when I feel it is deserved, to protect myself from a “us and them” mindset that I feel undermines our common humanity. Friends tell the truth. Peace, Kevin