HELLO!

Can you trust your eyes? I read a lot of sentimental quotes about the distinction of trusting your ears/eyes with your heart. I say sentimental because, in the end, we typically make as many mistakes in judgement with our feelings as we do with our thoughts. Trust is a complicated assertion. In my life, what I have come to trust is gaining perspective, attempting to see an issue, a relationship, a situation, from as many angles as possible. In doing so, I typically find more solid ground. I find words I can speak to those who agree with me, and those who do not. The alternative is this, automatic and unfailing agreement with our friends and family, and confusion, frustration and anger as we try to explain ourselves to those who do not share our loyalty. For all my faults and flaws, and they are legion, I say the same things about others to them, as I say about them. And those whose opinions I value, and trust are those who speak about me, the same as they speak to me. And they all can be very tough on me. They do not automatically take my side. I need that.

Often, what I hear is a name or a position, or an institution, a stated opinion (good or bad) and then a litany of praise or condemnation. It may begin with experiences that no one could question, but they usually end on opinions that are not sturdy enough to withstand any critical feedback. In my life, the friends and family who automatically took my side, in all my conflicts and challenges, did me no favours. Nor, obviously, did those who did not like me, and simply said, “he deserves that”. Where I grew, were conversations with people who affirmed my strengths, saw my weaknesses, and helped me see where I could grow in these moments. I can tell you all the wonderful gifts those who do not like me possess. And I can tell you the problematic behaviours my friends and family offer, including my own. I once was interviewed for a position in a very large church in Calgary. I began with a long list of why they should not choose me. Everything I said would have prompted those who do not like me to respond, “Amen brother, preach it!” They offered me the position. Go figure. I did not go there because, in the end, I could see my gifts were not a match for their needs. Perspective can open our eyes.

When people ask me, “what do you think of that?”, meaning a conflict, they usually add “I know only one side”. I respond, if you open your eyes, you will see you know the other side too. Shutting off our discerning minds, for the sake of “I dance with the one who brought me” is not disloyal, it is fickle. Such loyalty can shift as easily as any relationship can evolve. Basing your instincts on who you like does you, does your friend, no long-term favours. When I look in the mirror, I see a man who looks 70 (I am 62), who has many flaws, but who can make a difference. I hope and pray, when you look in the mirror you see how you too can make a difference. Together, we can do more than we can apart.

Peace, Kevin