HELLO!

Don’t fret or worry. Instead, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 The Message

First, these two verses have been used, with the best of intentions, to pat anxious persons on the head, with a condescending tone, that says, “your worry is not my worry, get over it”. I have received this kind of reassurance on many occasions with reference to driving. The “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” song has its limits in terms of effectiveness. Being human is having feelings, and feelings need to be expressed, especially in safe places, to good listeners. But, on the other hand, being a good listener also implies, at least for me, being a non-anxious presence. I have shared my anxiety with others before, where the listener acted like gasoline on the fire. “I am worried”…“You are VERY WORRIED!” And the next thing I know my anxiety is at a fever pitch. Being a non-anxious presence means allowing the anxious person to share, to express, to hear themselves as you repeat back, in a measured voice, what they say.

Second, anxiety can be triggered by a sense of worry nothing will work, all is headed for disaster. A calm listener can provide a sense of peace and calm, that even though the words are not said, the feeling is implied, “you are surrounded in care”. Even when the news you are sharing has no upside, the challenge being met will not be solved with an easy solution, those “walking through the fire” know they are not alone, there is a place/person they can find, when needed. You can be that presence.

Third, anxiety can also be fueled by a lack of perspective. Here we are not talking about a diagnosis, or a bill we cannot pay or a job we cannot get. Last night our child wrote Kim a text. Basically, it was “thank you for being so chill about everything, there was never any drama in our house, you and Dad always took things in stride and never let small things become larger than they needed to be.” Kim asked what had prompted this. It turned out Lucian’s friends were complaining how their moms were upset with the gift they received, it was not sufficient. Lucian listened. Not receiving what you expect is upsetting. No doubt about that. But…it is not the same as a diagnosis, a bill that cannot be paid, a job that cannot be found. Knowing the difference, is a form of healing.

Prayer is different for different people. For me, prayer includes perspective, what is big, what is small, what can be done, and what is out of our hands. I appreciate those who will listen, when I need to talk.

Peace, Kevin