HELLO!

Some time ago I read a long-form article in the New York Times. I have searched for it recently, to no avail. The author, a psychologist, speculated that persons spend considerable time, money and anguish to learn techniques and strategies that are inherently foreign to them. In some cases, this is necessary, someone with a lifetime of pain, generated by biological and/or social experience, may need a clean break, a new mindset to make sense of it, to begin to heal and thrive, to move forward. I get that. But for many of us, this writer believes, the answer to our conundrum is already in our experience, though likely buried by the more recent upsets. His suggestion, to go back in your lifetime, reflect on previous challenges, the techniques and strategies you found that worked then, and try them again. In other words, we may always have the answer, but it has been forgotten. I often ponder this column.

For me that technique or strategy is similar to how I look at things or stuff. Kim says she can always see I am upset about something when I go to my Rubbermaid container of shoes or my closet of shirts and jackets/coats (all organized by colour) and sort through what I want to keep, and what I want to give away. The “purge” as she calls it, symbolizes my need to sort through what is worth keeping and what needs to be shed. I do this with things, I do this with memories, I do this with my time, I do this with causes I invest in, I do this with my schedule. I see life as a container, there is only so much room, what can I add, what needs to be removed. Of course, as a Christian, one very important part of this mindset is NEVER to overlook the “other”, the stranger, the plight of the marginalized, to tithe, to be present in volunteering and activism, to speak up for, those typically overlooked and undervalued. In the sorting “it is not all about me”, which also carries over to how I verbalize my frustrations and concerns. I have no trouble expressing fear and anxiety about my health, the well-being of my kin and friends. But I am conscious, when I am tempted to complain about a line up at a coffee shop or how some process has changed at a place I frequent, that such “whining” sounds hollow and privileged to those who have no shelter or food. There are “important matters” and then there are smaller things.

You may balk at such analysis, suggest everyone has their own version of “important” and “small”, and I would agree with you. But unlike many, I never expect others to think or act like me. What I hope, is by their own definition of “important” and “small”, persons distressed by their situation would invest in what they, not me, truly love. That focus, their focus, not mine, I believe will bring some peace and perspective. I believe all of us know what we love. I pray that we lean into love.

Peace, Kevin